Just after arriving in Tetouan, I spotted a tout up ahead of me. He saw me, I saw him. I knew it was coming, but he was between me and the hotel, so I had no choice. He pulled the stocking cap off his head and ruffled his hair in an effort, I suppose, to make himself look presentable. As I approached, he said, “you look like Morocco.” As I haven’t shaved in weeks, I couldn’t agree more. Then he said, “where you from? England?” I nodded and then he screamed, “fish and chips!”
I have to give Tetouan touts one thing: They have their own flavor. Their line is that they are English or French professors and they just want to practice speaking with you. Except, I never met a professor with three teeth who dressed like a hobo and smelled like a fish market.
After checking into the hotel, I went to the Salon de Té next door. There were a fair number of men and women enjoying an afternoon mint tea and there was a flat-screen TV on the wall showing a program on breast feeding. The thirty seconds or so of it that I watched contained close-ups of titties, nipples, and a baby’s mouth – an altogether odd entertainment choice for a tea house in a Muslim country. The expression on one dude’s face was that of a person watching an open-heart surgery show. I glanced up a moment later, and there was still a big, hard nipple on the screen with a baby’s mouth very near to it. Then, out of nowhere, type ran across the image that said, “it’s the only thing better than Norwegian sardines.”
Speaking of Nordic titties, I was watching some women’s biathlon up in the hotel room, and it’s more exciting than you might think. Cross-country ski for a considerable distance, then hit a very small black target five times, step and repeat. Every time one of the contestants hits the target, you hear the crowd yell, “eh-oy!,” like they’re at Oktoberfest or something. It gets tense when they start getting tired, can’t hit the target, and can't move on. Strangest thing about it was that the coverage went until every team had finished the race. Russia won. Kazakhstan next to last. Romania last.