Quiquiriquí! It’s a Circle Jerk!

Earlier in the week, I saw posters around town advertising a pelea de gallos at 4pm Sunday in the Palenque. After careful consideration of my life, I put my better judgment aside and attended. Thirty pesos admission. Twenty pesos for a michelada. Fifteen pesos for an extra lata of Tecate. Two hours of sitting around watching people drink beer, shoot the shit, whoop it up, and stare into space – the action began más tarde, around 6:15...

Step 1: After spending about half an hour tying a metal-fish-hook/talon-looking thing to the rooster’s claw, it’s time to piss him off by bringing a third cock into the ring. Sniff, peck, crow, neck feathers splayed.

Step 2: Hold your excited cock with both hands, and let him kiss your opponent’s cock.

Step 3: Release.

Step 4: Sit idly watching the extremely boring proceedings. After about 30 seconds, one of the cocks starts bleeding profusely, and a winner is declared. Afterward, there is a “lucky number” drawing to keep everyone entertained during the (at least) 30-minute intermission before the next 30-second match.

Step 5: Make sure the children are permanently scarred.

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