L’Observateur : Los Animales Edition





Some birds are nesting on the house. I used my Peterson Field Guide to Mexican Birds to figure out that they’re flycatchers. Brown-Crested (Wied’s) Flycatchers. But that name sucks, so I’m calling one Larry (Bird) and the other one (Darryl) Choo (Kennedy). To go with the other brother Darryl (Doggins). That way, we can either field short-handed basketball team or a write and produce a first-rate sitcom starring Bob Newhart. No matter, they make a lot of noise, especially the chicks – blind and helpless, waiting for their beak-brought morsels. They squawk exceptionally loud on Intruder Alert. When I was washing the bird shit off the windows, I was like Godzilla in Tokyo. Squawk for your lives! They don’t like Sr. High Belt’s kitty cat much either.

According to local legend, bird shit on a house is good luck.

Yesterday, there was a jackass in the front yard and it wasn’t me.

Run-ins with goats can be awkward. There is a brief standoff and then they run for it. If a herd dog is present, it is advisable to pick up a rock and pretend you are going to hurl it at him. Otherwise, you might get bit by an unvaccinated Mexican mountain mutt – an hour from the nearest hospital.

A few days ago, Humberto’s dog bit a British tourist squarely on the ass, drawing blood. He told us about it during his time at the Internet cafe and stated that he would gladly accept “a bottle of nice wine” as compensation.

It is common practice in Mexico for dogs to be intentionally poisoned by people who think their town is overpupulated. Sr. High Belt’s latest dog was summarily murdered in said fashion this past week. RIP, Hundi Hochguertel.

I’m pretty sure the lizards who sun themselves on the rocks outside the window are Common Collared Lizards. Again, with the lame name. We named them last summer – Liz (Taylor) and (Richard) Dick (Burton) – and I’m going to stick with it because I’m at a loss for punny lizard-oriented basketball names at the moment. When Adam “The Lizard King” Morrison is the best thing I can come up with, it’s time to quit.

I found a coaster from Pig’N Pancake in the Peterson Field Guide to Western Reptiles and Amphibians.

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